Today I glimpsed Utopia, the Land that Ought to be.

On the shores of reality, behind a thin veil, I saw her, the embodiment of perfection basking in the light of ideals.

She was beautifully intoxicating and exactly everything that I’d read about. I’d also read that if I wasn’t careful, she’d break my heart like she had done with so many men before me. But, if I’m being honest, just looking at her made me smile despite myself.

Her smiling back made me feel warm like the light from the heavens had finally been shone upon me. I’d read about this too in the cautionary tales but when she beckoned me over, I walked straight into her realm. I’d instructed myself not to fall for her for she was just an idea but how can a mere mortal resist the sum of all fortunes?

The promise of Her swept me off my feet and before I realized it, my world was missing a floor. The whispers in the back of my mind grew through the fall — “Steady yourself, there’s still time.”

I didn’t because I didn’t want to, and I fell and fell and fell some more. All the while, she taught me that falling for something you love has a charm of its own.

Today I glimpsed Utopia, the Land that Ought to be.

Live in this idea with me, she said, for while it lasts you’ll learn more about the world than you could if you were in it. For here, she explained, I can teach you how good goodness is and how pure a relationship can be.

I looked into her dreamy eyes and heard myself saying Yes.

And with that, the veil was cast aside and for the first time in my life, I encountered something as good as the idea of it.

Our time was spent in company and companionship as the pursuit of happiness and the revival of peace had already been taken care of.

With her I understood joy.

With her, I learnt what it meant to relax, and with her, I learnt what it meant to truly be at ease.

Today I glimpsed Utopia, the Land that Ought to be.

Then began the lessons about what the world could be.

I asked her about hope.

She said it was the only currency we had to buy a brighter future with, and that self-belief was the cornerstone of all achievement.

She showed me the light of my Being, though I tried to hide from her that I only seemed to shine brightly when She looked at me.

I asked her about courage.

She defined it as Authentic action in the face of Adversity and warned me that she’d have to leave one day and that I could use it to get her back. I didn’t like to think about her departure, but I kept the courage anyway.

She installed in me a mirror so honest that I was scared that I might crack if I looked into it. All improvement must come from acceptance, she said and gently nudged me to steal a glance.

In a flash I was bare, all my hubris laid down, all my mantles hollowed out and my laurels without a prose. And within that moment when I was no longer scared for I’d already lost everything, I realized that I was Nothing. The weight I’d carried for too long had been shed and for the first time in years, I felt free of myself.

Today I glimpsed Utopia, the Land that Ought to be.

I was at peace in her land, safe and sound without sorrow.

For a second there, I thought it would last.

For a second there, I bought it, I thought it could be all real.

But in the back of my mind, the whispers had been silently growing into screams.

And then one fine moment, I mustered up the courage to ask her the Only real question:

If you are then why do you have to leave?

She looked at me and gave me a forlorn smile and I realized that I’d known all along. An oasis in the desert, the promise of love — love that we own, that we are, that we have and that we owe. But love that is still just beyond our reach. Thus a mirage, just like her.

The veil was back, and her back turned to me.

Don’t leave me, I pleaded, kneeling down, defeated.

She asked:

Why is the Child of God born in His Kingdom so deficient in Love that he has to beg for it?

And then she left …or maybe I did, and I was back on the shores of reality nursing invisible wounds in my heart that an idea had caused me. The need for beauty, and the longing for peace, were still there on the shore, waiting for me.

Today I glimpsed Utopia, the Land that Cannot be.